every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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