eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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