you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
