Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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