So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
