we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
