And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
