He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
