I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
