Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
