Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
