Screwed.edu
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
one might say we're banned from that church
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
