How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
