i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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