I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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