Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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