White coat. Heels.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
