i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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