Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize