she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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