Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
