I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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