I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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