Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
