ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
