too bad you live with your parents still
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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