Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
