Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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