hotel room ftw
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
