when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
