I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
