Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
