C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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