3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
