Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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