yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
