My room smells like vodka and shame
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
