Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
