The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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