and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
