worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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