I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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