I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
