Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The best revenge is premature balding
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
