I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
