Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
