im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
