And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So much rum. So many feels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
