i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
