I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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