i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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