Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
