You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
