He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We have so much sex to catch up on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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