JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
