Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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