I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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