bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
