also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
