Someone shit on the floor
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
