just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
