that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
