Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
